Stop Talking About Women in Ministry

I want to start this off with an apology. Some of you may have clicked on this blog because you were expecting to commend me for my boldness in preaching the place of women or reprimand me for my chauvinism. I'm sorry. You won't find either of those here. I do hope that you are challenged by what I say. I expect some of you will still find what I say offensive, but for different reasons than you may expect.

Now I do want to talk about a scripture that will be familiar to many of you. 1 Timothy 2:12. I can sense that some of you are already tensing up at the thought of talking about this scripture. For some of you it has been used as an instrument of oppression. For that I am sorry. I firmly believe that was never the intention of God or Paul. I hope that what I say brings you hope.

But first my journey through this scripture.

I grew up in a conservative house. I went to church every week. My dad was the pastor. I had to go. Because I went to church every week I heard things about men and women. How men were the head and women were to be submissive. (Interesting vary rarely did I hear this from the pulpit.) But I also had a very outspoken sister.

See my sister was not going to let anyone tell her what she could or could not do. Not that she actually wants to be a pastor. Just don't tell her she can't. For this I am thankful to my sister. Her outspokenness made me question passages that I probably never would have given a second thought. Honestly, she continues to stretch my faith and understanding of God to this day.

By the time I got married I had decided that my (now) ex-wife would have equal say in everything we do. Now some of you might be thinking of course this is the case. But with my background it would have been easy for me to claim complete control of the relationship. However, there were a few things wrong with what I did. 

First, I was assuming that my ex-wife would be as outspoken as my sister. This was not the case. She did not always want to have to make decisions. Frankly, my making decisions in those cases would have less to do with spiritual authority and more to do with just understanding a partner.

At this point you would expect me to give my second reason. However, I think that this is the perfect place for an intermission of sorts. See I've gotten this far in my journey through this scripture without actually talking about it. So . . . 

Let's talk about 1 Timothy 2.

So the first and perhaps most important thing about this is that it is a letter to one person. Paul is writing to someone that he trained. This is not a letter to an entire church, or group of churches in a city. This is a letter from a mentor to a disciple. That must always be in our minds when we read passages from this letter.

"But I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet."

Less than a year ago had you asked me what my interpretation of this passage was I would have said that it was Paul not God who felt this way. After all this is a letter to someone he mentored and he does say "I do not" and not "God does not." This really doesn't hold up and was not even consistent with what I thought about Paul. I knew that Paul did think highly of women and even called one an Apostle. (Click here for more information about Junia the Apostle.)

So why was I claiming that in this case Paul was being chauvinist? Why was I declaring that this is Paul and not God'?

Confession Time

Here it goes. I hate responsibility. I am the youngest of three children. I never really had to be responsible. Often times I run from it. It means I can't blame anyone else when things go wrong. It means that I am going to upset some people who don't agree with my choices.

Now here is the funny part. (Yet another reason I know God has a sense of humor.) I am really good at making decisions. I will fill power vacuums. It bothers me when people are indecisive. Most times when I make decisions it's not because I want the responsibility. It's because I don't want to wait for everyone else to make up their minds. 

So what does responsibility have to do with 1 Timothy?

That is perhaps the best question to ask. See when we talk about this passage it often is about the rights of women. It is about submissiveness. It ends up being about women. Yet, this is completely the wrong way to go about this.

So this morning I was in a bible study that talked about this passage. I asked if this meant that women could be ordained. (I was being a little bit snarky, because I already had my answer to this question.) Well my pastor said something that blindsided me. He said that this passage is about men having responsibility. It is about spiritual authority. He said sure women can be ordained, but that is not what this is about. That's when it hit me.

This is not about women. Paul is writing to a man.

For years this passage was all about whether or not a woman could be ordained. But that's not the point. Paul is telling Timothy that men need to step up. They need to take the authority given to them. Not in some dictatorial way. After all Paul thinks that men need to love as Christ.

Now I can hear some of you already making comments about patriarchy. I would have been with you less than a year ago. But God has been walking me through a journey ever since my divorce. This latest season seems to be understanding true biblical headship.

See for the last several months I have been dating an amazing woman of God. She encourages me. She stretches me. Above all she points me to God. But here is the crazy thing. She wants me to lead. 

And how do I lead? By being brutally honest with her. By opening my soul to her. By sharing my struggles, my passions, and my lessons with her. That is how I lead. See this is what Paul means when he talks about authority. This is why he talks about Christ who died for the church. True leadership, true authority is selfless. Jesus poured out all that He was for us. So if I am to lead I MUST do the same.

So what about that second reason?

Here is the truth, brothers and sisters. By not leading my ex-wife I let her down. There were lots of things that lead to my divorce, but one of them was that I did not step up. I was not leading my ex-wife through vulnerability. I did not pray with her. I did not encourage her. I did not point her to God. I let her down. I was so focused on whether or not I was oppressing her that I neglected to lead her. I let her autonomy be my excuse to give up responsibility. This is the problem with talking about women in ministry.

Talking about women in ministry lets men sit on the sidelines.

May you love your wife. May you respect your husband. May your church spring up with men who lead from weakness. May God heal wounds of oppression. And may you seek the Lord's will daily.

Amen!