When Doubt Grips You

Are you struggling to have faith today? Maybe you are reading this and in the back of your head you have doubts. Maybe you feel God calling you to something, but you are scared because you don't know the details. Maybe you are faced with crippling anxiety and doubt even though God just provided for you.

Usually, when I write these blogs I am writing from the other side. I have just learned something or have just gone through something. I write from a place of knowing. I write from a place of complete understanding. That is not the case today. Today I write from the unknown. I write not knowing how everything will play out.

Yesterday I got a new truck. My old truck was having electrical problems. I was without vehicle for over a week. The night before the purchase I had a conversation with God. I asked Him to just provide me with something. I had gotten to the point where I didn't care. God responded by asking me one question: "What do you want?" God didn't ask what I needed. God asked what I wanted. The next day I got what I asked for.

Now this is point where I usually talk about how this is an example of the God who provides. But there is a problem. The truck I got was not perfect. And it was those imperfections that have plagued me today. They have lead me to doubt. Was it really God who provided? What if I made a bad decision? Maybe I should have waited longer? These questions inevitably lead to self condemnation. Needless to say this is not a good place to be.

The Faithful God of the Season

This weekend is both Easter and Passover. This is not something that happens every year. This is due to using different types of calendars to come up with dates. Honestly, I find this a little ridiculous since we know from scripture that the crucifixion happened around the time of Passover. But the occurrence got me thinking.

For Jews this is the time of year when they remember the faithfulness of God to bring them out of Egypt. Passover was the first festival for the nation of Israel. God brought them out of Egypt before they even knew what it meant to be the nation of Israel. God provided for them before he gave them the law. God called them his people before he required anything of them.

I remembered all the ways that God had provided for me. All the ways that God went before me. All the things that God did for me even before I knew I needed them.

Easter is the time when Christians remember the faithfulness of God. Before we were even born God provided a way for us to know Him. Before we even knew we needed a savior, Jesus made the way. God chose us before we knew Him. While we were still enemies of God he provided the way for us to become children of God.

Remembering God's Faithfulness

So I spent most of the day trying to avoid my anxiety about my truck. When I finally sat and brought my worries to God I was overwhelmed. The anxiety that I had been ignoring washed over me. Through it all I heard God saying "Trust me." But still it was there. I spent twenty minutes debating with God and questioning if I had even heard God. But then I remembered Psalm 136.

Psalm 136 is the story of God's faithfulness to Israel. It tells of the ways that God has provided in this past and encourages them to remember that He will provide for their future. This is a call and response Psalm. It was intended to be used in corporate worship. The congregation would repeat the same line over and over. "His covenant faithfulness knows no end." If people remembered one thing from worship that day it would be that. Psalm 136 is the reminder that breaks all doubt.

When I run from the presence of God I find no relief. It is only when I run to my heavenly father that I find rest.

For me Psalm 136 has been the encouragement to rest in God. I went back to my personal Psalm 136. I remembered all the ways that God had provided for me. All the ways that God went before me. All the things that God did for me even before I knew I needed them. With that realization came peace.

Living in the Unknown

That peace is not perfect. I still don't know what the future holds for me and my truck. But I do know one thing. God has provided for me in the past and He will provide for me again. Maybe I did pick the wrong truck. But it doesn't matter because His covenant faithfulness knows no end. Maybe I'll have to put a bunch of money into a truck I just bought. But it doesn't matter because His covenant faithfulness knows no end. Maybe I will have to swallow my pride and ask for help. But it doesn't matter because His covenant faithfulness knows no end. Maybe I'm over reacting and this isn't as bad as I think. In that cause then His covenant faithfulness truly knows no end.

Here is the point of all of this. There are always times in our lives when we doubt. There are always those things that draw us away from God. But here is the truth that I have found over and over again. When I run from the presence of God I find no relief. It is only when I run to my heavenly father that I find rest. In those arms is peace. In those arms is comfort. In those arms is love.

As we come up on the celebration of the most beautiful thing God has ever done for us, let us remember all the times God has come through for us. If you are anxious about the future. If you are doubting weather God can provide. Remember the times God has come through for you. Remember those times that you thought all was lost and God saved you.

May you lean into the arms of God when doubt grips you. May you seek Him for the comfort for your soul. May you remember all the times that God has provided for you. May you find peace for your soul. And may God be praised in your doubt and fear.

Amen!