I could spend this post writing about all the ways that the sermon was hard for me. I could talk about the consequences of hard conversations on the person who initiates that conversation. But the reality is that more often than not we are on the receiving end of hard conversations. This is not a post for those thinking about having hard conversations. This is a post for those who have heard a hard truth and don't know how to respond.
OK enough preamble.
If you've been part of a hard conversation, or you fear that the next conversation you have will be a hard one, then here are some things to remember.
Don't Run
Running from problems is natural. We don't want to admit that something about us needs to change so we run from it. We think that if we run then we won't have to deal with it. The sad truth is that the things we run from are always faster than us. They will catch up with us sooner or later. Better to deal with them now when they are small and weak.
There are going to be times that people confront you with a truth about yourself in a way that is not the gospel. They are going to say things that are purposefully hurtful. They are going to do it in a way that isn't truly meant to make you grow. But hear me. Just because they intended it for evil, doesn't make it false. Some of the hardest times to admit our own fault is when we hear it from someone who we know doesn't actually care about helping us grow.
When you have a hard conversation and it feels like condemnation don't run. Lean into what was said to you. Ask Jesus if there truly is something that you should change. Look for the truth in what was said to you. If you have trouble looking past all the hurt you feel then...
Remember Who You Are
One of the reasons that we have trouble hearing hard things is because we don't really know who we are in Christ. We hear that there is something that we need to change and we think that means that we are horrible people that no one can love. Part of that is true. There are times that we all are horrible people. There is no changing that, but that is not the gospel. That is not really what we need to remember.
Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus...For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, “Abba! Father!”
Paul reminds us who we are in Romans 8. We have been called children of God. We are not condemned by God. We are part of the family of God. Paul tells us that we are co-heirs with Christ. We receive by adoption what Jesus has by nature. We gain the inheritance of the son of God. That means that we have nothing to fear.
Being the children of God doesn't mean we never have to change. It means we don't have to fear that change. It means we know that the changes God wants to do in us are for our benefit. Our adoption into the family of God means that we must conform to the family of God. Being co-heirs with Jesus means that there is a standard to live up to. When people come to us with hard truth about our lives often that is God reminding us of this standard. The problem is that we sometimes forget that God has given us the power to live up to that standard. If you feel like you don't have that power then...
Remember Who Satan Is
One of the biggest problems with how we handle hard conversations is that we forget about the accuser. We forget that there is someone out there whose whole plan is to stop us from realizing what we were created to do. We act as if all our problems are only with other people. We think that if people just left us alone then we would be happy. The reality is that the only way to be truly content is to be who God created us to be. The only way to do that is to follow Jesus.
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.
In the Gospel of John, Jesus tells us that all those who came before him were thieves and robbers. Jesus is the good shepherd. He is the one that will lead the flock. Jesus tells us that if we follow Him then He will give us a full life. If we follow anyone else our life will be full of death and we will be robbed of contentment. Only Jesus can show us how to live the life we were created to live.
When people come to you with a hard conversation it can be easy to see them as the enemy. We think that they want to rob us of our joy or contentment. The reality is that if we aren't following Jesus then we really don't have those things. A life that does not seek after Jesus is not really life. Seeking our own pleasures or the temptations of Satan will only lead to death and rob us of the good that God wants to give us. If you find that your life is full of pain, sadness, and death then maybe you need to...
Remember What Jesus Did
Even as a Christian it can be easy to forget what Jesus did for us. The church has often preached a form a godliness that was devoid of the true gospel. What Jesus did was not simply about forgiving our sins, though that was part of it. Jesus came to earth to show us how to live. Jesus is the perfect human. We are to follow His example.
For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him.
We are created in the image of God, but we don't a do a good job reflecting God. Jesus came to show us what that looks like. Our reflection of God is always flawed. Please don't hear me saying that you are a failure. This is not meant to condemn you. It is meant to give you hope. The gospel is not about telling us all the things we have done wrong. Most of us know that already. The Gospel is about telling us that we don't have to keep living that way.
Jesus came to save us. He came to show us the best way to live. He came to free us from the power of sin and death and Satan. Now that we are free from those powers we have the ability to live the way that God called us to live. That means that you will have to change some things. That is the point of hard conversations. But those changes aren't meant to hurt you. They aren't meant to condemn you. They are meant to teach you how to live the abundant life. That should be something we all desire no matter how many hard conversations it takes to get there.
May you run to God not away from hard conversations. May you remember your status as a child of God. May you never forget the schemes of Satan steal life. May you remember that Jesus came to free you and show you the way to live. And may God continue to shape you into the person He created you to be.
Amen!
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