Do We Actually Affirm the Sanctity of Marriage?

So I can’t keep silent anymore. 

I have tried for the last couple of weeks to not mention anything about this issue. I know it is a hot topic issue and regardless of what side I am on people are going to sling vitriol. But the other day I saw this:

Now I don’t know if all of that is true, but it doesn’t matter. The person making it has a point and I will get to that in a little bit.

There are those who say that what happened to Kim Davis was religious persecution. There are those who say that Kim Davis broke the law. Today she was let out of prison. For the former this is a victory; for the latter a defeat. To me the whole ordeal just signals a disconnect in our society.

Let’s start with some information.

First Davis’ signature was on all licensees issued. Weather she did it or not, her signature was to be affixed to the license. (Yes I know the statute says that deputies can perform the duties, but that doesn’t mean that her signature wouldn’t be stamped on the license.)  This is perhaps the reason that Davis was not allowing her deputies to issue them instead of her. Under normal circumstances one might just suggest that if she has a problem that she just abstain from those and let someone else do it. In this case however it would seem that any license that went out would be done with her signature. In her mind she would be giving the stamp of approval to whatever license went out from her office.

One might make the argument that since this is the case Davis’ should just quit her job. A valid argument if it weren’t for two things. First, there are numerous other cases where companies have had to make accommodations because of religious beliefs. For instancethe Muslim flight attendant who refused to serve alcohol and is now suing. Second, and perhaps more importantly, the laws (or the enforcement thereof) have changed since Davis’ took her position. When Davis was elected it was still illegal for same-sex couples to be married. However deplorable (or not) you may think that, it was the case. There was nothing about her job when she took office that she had a problem with. It is only in the last 6 months that things have changed. Sothis would not be the same as a Hindu refusing to serve burgers as some havesuggested. Such a person would have known about the limits of the job before applying.

Davis’ is for all intents and purposes disobeying the law. Yes I know that the Supreme Court does not make laws. However, they are charged with interpreting them. I will steel an analogy from local talk radio host Michael Brown. Let’s say there is a law stating that all telephone poles have to be purple. Someone wants theirs to be red. They get all the way to the Supreme Court and the Court rules that the poles now must be red and purple. Until congress passes a new law that says telephone poles can be whatever color a city wants, the law of the land is red and purple. That is how the Supreme Court works. For better or worse this is the law of the land.

But all of this has not been my true point. 

Let’s get back to that meme. You know the one about the sanctity of marriage. Every time the gay marriage debate has come up I always find myself asking the same question. How can we as Christians expect others, who do not hold our beliefs, to affirm the sanctity of marriage when we do not?

Let’s look at Davis for a second. She has been married three times before. Now I am told that those were before she was a Christian. This might have more meaning if it weren’t for the sad fact that it would not be surprising that a Christian had been married four times. See if we as Christians want to claim to have the moral high ground then we should actually have it. The reason a meme like this exists is because of the hypocrisy of Christians played out time and time again. We only seem to look at the things we want to and ignore our own sins. Weare the Pharisee of Luke 18. When will we realize to truly witness we need to have compassion and empathy?

"I tell you, this man went to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted.”

Don’t misunderstand me. I am not saying that we don’t need to be more vigilant about divorce. We live in a society where divorce is rampant and seemingly devoted Christians remarry at the drop of a hat because they don’t feel that they love someone anymore. This should never be the case. Marriage is something sacred and something to be treasured. It is a sacred covenant before God.

Why do I feel this way about marriage and divorce? Because I have experienced it. Both marriage and divorce. I was legally married for 4 years. In actuality it was about two and a half. Without getting into much detail it ended because she decided that she wanted out. I learned a great many things from that, but what is important today is that divorce destroys relationships. I was fortunate to be in a church that understood my struggle and came along side me in my time of need. 

My ex-wife had friends who told her to be happy. I had a church that grieved with me.

Yet if we truly want to hold up the sanctity of marriage we cannot stop at simply encouraging people to stay married. We must seek to uphold marriage by not turning a blind eye to those that have extra-marital sex. How many of you have been in churches where you knew someone was living with their significant other and you said nothing? How can we expect society to not look at that and see us as hypocrites? We allow this to happen and we wonder why so many Pastors were found on Ashley Madison.

If I am honest I will say that I think this particular issue stems from another problem. The churches complete lack of a stomach to talk about sex. 

We harm our young men and young women by keeping silent. 

Our young men struggle in silence every day because they feel they have no one to talk to. I am reminded of this blog begging for men to stop. Yet I wonder how many of them would if they only felt like they could get support and not judgement from their church.

Our young women are no better off. I have known to many women who have a skewed view of sex because of the purity movement. We tell them for 18+ years to say no and then expect them to change on a dime on their wedding night. That type of understanding is untenable. I thank this woman for coming out and speaking up about the problems.

These may seem like divergent issues, but they are not. These are all symptoms of a larger problem in the church. We choose to talk about problems outside ourselves rather than turn inward and see the sickness there. We are so focused on what is going on outside of our churches that we neglect to look at the rot that is killing us from inside. We have believed the lie that to witness to the world we must be perfect. The truth is the world is not looking for perfect people. They are looking for real people. We think that we must not be blemished by the messiness of the world. That could not be further from the truth. We do not serve a God who stood outside and judged. We serve a God who became like us. A God who stepped into the messiness of the world to save it. We serve a God that loved us so much that he died the humiliating death on a tree. And we serve a God that rose from the dead so that we would never have to die. (See this passage in Philippians if you doubt me.) That is the God that we serve. That is how we are to live.

"Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross."

See the whole point of Jesus coming was not so that we could make decrees on high and not look at ourselves. Jesus came because we can’t do it on our own. When we as a church start actually living the kingdom of God. When we start loving others. When we start acknowledging our own sin and confessing to others. When we start showing compassion instead of condemning others. When we realize that as Christians we WILLbe persecuted. When we stop thinking that we are somehow better than others around us. Then we will start to see people come to us.